Toe Jam? Are you feeling slightly repulsed by the thought? What on earth am I talking about? Well, yesterday, my friend Melissa and I, embarked upon an industrious afternoon of goody making. Mel had promised to bring the fun of jam making to my house that afternoon, and I was rather excited as I had never made jam before. She arrived armed with a tupperware container of dried apricots floating in water.
“I remembered this really yummy recipe for dried apricot jam we made when I was in year three at school. How hard could it be?”
“Great!”
“My dad really loved it, and ate it for breakfast for the next six months… I hope it turns out as good as I remember it being and that poor dad wasn’t just eating it so I wouldn’t get upset…”
Melissa opens the tupperware container of floating apricots…
“Eeew, they look like toes after they’ve been in the bath too long…”
“Toe Jam!” I remark…
The recipe for Toe Jam is so easy, it’s ridiculous.
Ingredients
1kg dried apricots
2 1/2 litres of water
2kg sugar (we used half raw, half white)
Method
1. Place dried apricots in large bowl or container and cover with the 2 1/2 litres of water. Leave to soak for a couple of hours (the real recipe said overnight, but we didn’t have that luxury).
2. Pour the apricots and water into a large saucepan. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes, or until the apricots become soft.
3. Add sugar and stir until it is completely dissolved.
4. Reduce the heat and let the jam simmer. Stir occasionally over the two hours, making sure it doesn’t burn. Sugar burns easily. It turns a nice brandy colour when ready.
So… that was the recipe… when we tasted it at the end of this process, it tasted like toe jam (damn awful). Tumultuous giggling ensued.
“We failed on the jam”, said Mel.
“We?? We? Stop dragging me into this. This was all you. I had nothing to do with your jam, other than naming it”, I continue…
“You jam bombed me! You come to my house and just leave me with mounds of this foul tasting jam! Get out of my house!”
Too funny. So with jars of the successful goodies I was responsible for that afternoon, Mel left. But what was I to do with all of this Toe Jam? I hate wasting food. I can fix it. I’m going to fix it. Just like on Masterchef where the contestants have to resurrect some dish that has gone to God, I was going to resurrect the toe jam. Firstly, I remove two bowlfuls of liquid, as the jam was not even close to being jammy, but more like dried apricots floating in a syrup. I taste it again. It needs spices… I add to it a smattering of star anise, cloves, cardamom pods, ground cinnamon and a decent splash, and by decent splash I mean a mini tidal wave, of Cointreau. I fold it through. I taste it again. Bingo! The stone had been rolled away, and the jam was edible… delicious in fact. I smear some of it onto a crusty piece of organic baguette. Simply fabulous. The spices lifted it from its toey pits and catapulted it into new realms of flavour. Amazing.
Despite the fact that the jam is now a highly crafted and highly tasty delight, it shall be forever known as Toe Jam.
